Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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