he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
