my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
