What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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