What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
