He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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