I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
