I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
