Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
