capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was confusing and full of hummus
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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