I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
