question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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