can u get pink eye on your cock?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
