"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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