It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
