I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
