She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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