oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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