were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
