I am in a vortex of obligation.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
