I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
