Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
