Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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