I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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