How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
