i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
