So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
