Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
