I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
