can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize