He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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