dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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