party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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