you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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