Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
