There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just pee around me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy shit dude........stairs
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