a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
