So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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