If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
