Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize