i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
