Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
