Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
