did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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