we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
