Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
