Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
