they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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