Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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