Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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