it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
