I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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