I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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