So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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