I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
