don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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