Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
