worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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