I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
