So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
