Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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