So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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