He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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