please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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