WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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