my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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