3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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