What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
