checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Never underestimate the power of titties
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize