it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
