i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
