Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
