ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
