I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
