I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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