all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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