I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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