It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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