I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
