Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
