im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
