They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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