Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
