WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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