If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
