Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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